I use the term "night worker ladies" (nightclub ladies) for women who work in the night entertainment business (pub, discotheque, nightclub, etc.) with the task of accompanying the guests to drink alcoholic beverages for pleasure and making them "happy".
Several venues in Indonesia use the term escort ladies or just "ladies". My friend from China called them 喝酒的女孩 (Hējiǔ de nǚhái). Their income is based on the number of hours gathered from accompanying their guests and tip money.
At that time, I worked in one of the best nightclubs, with a position on the managerial level. I often saw several of them (night worker ladies) get reprimands from their superiors (usually called Momy) because they were absent. At one time, I asked one of them (who is often absent) just to know what the problem was. Our conversation was as follows (translated into English):
Me: "Why are you often absent? I care for you. That's why I talked to you." (She looked down and was silent for a long time).
She: "My neighbor often mocked me when I went out in the night. They humiliate me. Actually, my aim is just to work for money to buy milk for my baby because I am a single parent." (She began to cry while saying it, and I felt pity for her. It is difficult to continue to the next question).
Me: "Really, I don't like a person who just criticizes but cannot give a solution. Okay, I just want to give you my view. It is up to you to choose. I will ask you a few questions, and you do not have to answer them, namely:"
"First, I did not hope you would work like this forever. Make a target from now on, perhaps for one year, three years, or..."
"Second, if your baby is crying due to hunger, and you have no money as a mother, will your tears fall? Will your neighbor give you some money and take care of it? Maybe your parents will help you, but one day they will go forever. Your brothers also have their own families." (She still keeps silent, and tears fall down her cheeks).
"Third, use your money wisely and save the rest. After you feel enough to start a small scale business, stop working as a night worker lady. Start a new life with your own effort."
She: "I do not have any skills or a good education. Can you give me a way out?" (She replied with a dreamy sight, and I fell silent and said in my heart, God, what should I tell her? Honestly, I could not help her financially).
Me: "Take care of your parents. Give a little to the poor. Pray seriously to God and ask Him to bless you. Maybe one day He will send you a wise man who will take you out from the dark night."
She: "Sometimes I pray to God but get no answer." (Replied with emptiness).
Me: "You should pray until God's mercy touches you. Pray twice, three times, 100 times, 1000 times...? UNTIL GOD'S MERCY TOUCHES YOU! It means how deep your prayer is in your soul, not the amount." (Then she looks at me with a sharp gaze, but I don't know what she's thinking about. Finally, I end this discussion and let her work again).
Next, what is your view about the night worker ladies? Immoral? Social disease? Are you more realistic? Only a feeling of pity is not enough to ease their suffering. Take action, although a little (like counseling, donations, etc.). They also exist around you. Note: I must obscure the picture above for privacy reasons.
I truly believe Life is what we make it... Good or Bad... God gives a path to follow and it is up to us which way we go... When we pray we ofen pray the wrong ways...
ReplyDeleteSometimes we pray selfishly...
We pray:
God please give me the way and take me there...
God Fix my promlems for me...
God please dont be so mean to me what have I done??
God what do I have to do to get what I want??
Should we not Pray:
God please show me the correct way, then try to travel that path...
God Please guide me in the proper direction...
God please give me the wisdom and strength to do the right things...
God please help me to do my best for my children...
As a third party should we not be praying as well:
God please give these young ladies the strengh, courage, guidance, and will power to follow your path where ever it may lead them...
God is there and will always offer a way out it is up to us to accept it... We may not always like the way out but it is there... And if used will lead to a better way...
For some Girls / women yes they actully may feel there is no other way out, and helpless, however if they truly looked they can find the way God has left them... God always provides a way to those who really want it... Sometimes it takes another person to point into the right direction because we can be blinded and overwhelmed by self pity... People should not be judgemental it is not our place to judge... We should offer to help each other as decient humans whereever we live... (PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE)and boundries and and ethnicity have nothing to do with it...
Other Women / Girls choose it simply because it is easy money and that is what they want... Some of them even like it because it is attention... Then they want people to feel bad about it for them... All I can say to these Girls / Women is: Respect yourself before others can respect you that is how I truly feel... God helps those who are will to help themselves...
Sorry I got so long winded... Bur it was my opinion and responce to your story..
May God bless your good work and nice words... u r doing God's work and I m so happy for u...
ReplyDeleteThanks to Jk. Your comment will enrich wise advice for the others.
ReplyDeleteThanks to Clair. May God bless you too. Be happy.
very nice blog, its seem in reality life
ReplyDeleteawww that's so sad...
ReplyDeletevery nice post..
Hope we could exchange link..
Thanks to Faye and Chubskulit-rose, i already add you, also add Claire to be my friend.
ReplyDeletethe women who work as prostitute or night clubs PR always say they have no other choices. but then they still have choices, like taking up several part time job. however, it seems that working as a night worker will earn cash faster still. my view is that, we should not look down upon them as it is the path they choose. and they have the right to control their body... those single parent, they can go to single parent supportive group (NGOs) which always offer help for them. many other single parent are out there and not all of them choose to be night club PR right? sorry if my points keeps jumping here and there haha
ReplyDeletei do not really agree of them to work in this field, but i do not think we should despise on them either..
Hi
ReplyDeleteI really don't have an idea if you are filipino or these women that you're talking about is..I am also a single parent myself...and I have done a lot of things in my life that I never thought that I could and would do just to keep up with our living...there are also those times...I can extend help to this lady that you're talking about by tutoring her, does she want to learn? Because I used to be an English teacher and I of course have children that I teach...
Thank you for a strong dose of reality. We sometimes forget how difficult life can be for young people, especially single parents. Please accept my compliments to you for your assistance in the young woman’s situation.
ReplyDeleteMay God bless you with your heart;s desire to serve God through others by telling people to have faith in God. God always answers. He just gives us troubles and tests to see whether we call out to Him or rely on others. He needs us to rely on His strength and His mercy and if we do that at the same time, praising HIm for the blessings we already have, we are sure that He will answer our prayers.
ReplyDeleteNice post.
Thank you very much for you all here and your nice input to share with others. It is hoped could touch anyone heart to help others and to generate the feel of caring at the era that more individualism.
ReplyDeleteWho are we to judge? Fate has made them what they are. I quite sympathize with them. It is indeed very true that most of them get pushed into these professions due to factors completely beyond their control and we need to sympathize with them rather than condemn them. If at all any one needs to be condemned, it is the society that wants these women to serve them in the nights. They are all hypocrites.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree that these women need our support and sympathy not out judgement.
ReplyDeleteBut I do also believe that God helps those who help themselves, it is simply not good enough to pray for a way out of the hard times. These women also need to take action to change their circumstances.
Doing something simple like saving just a little of the money they earn can help them to eventually leave that kind of work, it may take time but changes will occur if they take action and believe in God to help them.
Great Post.
God prevails in all situations, and while we are often led by circumstances, He will lead us to righteous ways if we put Him first in our lives.
ReplyDeleteMany people these days are doing that which they never considered doing, for money is TIGHT, and while some of these women do it of free will, others are forced to do so, by friends, lovers, poverty, and example. They should NOT be judged, for many of them are the most delicate beautiful souls ever known to life. People who talk down to them, or treat them with disrespect and disregard are only worsening the situation, and can cause more problems.
It is love which leads the way, and You sir, gave love when you consulted this lady. The seed might be slow to develop and grow, but, God in YOU began the process. No one deserves to be judged for anything they do, for it is all in Divine order, and people have to learn their OWN lessons, though with the example of love and righteousness, they might see their way without having to lower themselves, though truly, in these times, people who are not well established are doing what they can to get ahead.
It is so sad that the question of whether or not she should be judged comes up, for it is not our world to judge that is left to the ALMIGHTY GOD. Instead, we should embrace, love, and guide as best as we can and pray for one another, one and all... great post, and I am going to do a post on this myself... blessings, peace, and gratitude my brother of life :))))
Truly, I felt touched with all of your comments here. I'm dreaming of:
ReplyDelete1) Someday... there are night worker ladies who were fighting for their life, for their baby, could come across this place and read all of your comment and advice. It is hoped this could become the inspiration for they.
2) It is hoped there are the reader who become touched by this, will begin an effort. Because the night worker ladies also in and around your place.
Could I have this dream ?
dear Tikno,
ReplyDeletei just known that you have two blogs...
the phenomena of night workers ladies is a social diseases that worsening by the insecurity of somebody's soul...
If we think it critically there are many of girl who become night workers just for fulfill their economy life. and they are the group of people that maybe lack of supporting from their environment, belief of their God, and want to get something practically without do hard..
and finally it's become a 'habitual' which rampant and become a something 'usual' which grow in our society...
great post.
it's true that some have this occupation because they cannot find way out. it's not our right to judge them, because mostly we cannot help them find way out.
ReplyDeletebut it's also true that some are doing this in order to earn quick-money. even i hear that many university students do this! but can we judge them? it's a matter of choice.
Dear Niar, I had many discussions with them and finally get a conclusion that initially they carry out these job because they have no choice. Then for a long time because there is no way out, then eventually become a habit. How we overcome these "waiting periods" before become a habit is important.
ReplyDelete---------------------------
Dear Yendoel, we have to keep trying to find a way out for them, at least advise them against the dangers of AIDS and recommend to always use condom.
Since we can not help them financially then we should think objectively.
ReplyDeleteUmumnya wanita sesat jalan itu selalu berdalih masalah ekonomi, demi anak, demi keluarga dan demi2 lainnya. Seolah2 Dialah yang paling berkekurangan. Padahal banyak Orang nun jauh di sana yang lebih butuh, lebih miskin, tapi mereka bisa hidup tanpa memilih jalan yang salah.
ReplyDelete1) Ada yang akhlaknya memang sudah rusak, ingin dapat uang dengan mudah tanpa kerja keras, tapi ingin hidup glamor.
Delete2) Ada yang pelarian karena broken home atau ditinggal suami, tidak ada keluarga yang peduli, tidak bisa mandiri karena tidak punya ketrampilan apapun (lamaran kerja ditolak sana sini).
3) Ada pula yang "terpaksa" demi biaya berobat ayah/ibu. Ada yang menanggung biaya cuci darah rutin ibunya. Ada yang menanggung biaya ayahnya yang keluar masuk rumah sakit (saat itu belum ada BPJS sebaik sekarang). Ada yang single parent tapi bertekat agar anaknya bisa masuk di universitas terbaik berapapun biayanya. Barangkali type ini yang menginspirasi Titiek Puspa menciptakan lagu "Kupu-Kupu Malam"
people have no choice sometimes....
ReplyDelete