Saturday, July 26, 2008

Night Worker Ladies between pity and cost of living

I used the term "night worker ladies" for the women who worked in the business of night entertainment (pub, cafe, discotheque, night club, etc), with the task to accompany for drank the guests who came for pleasure and make them happy. Several night entertainment venues in Indonesia used the term "Purel", "Ladies", "PR" (even local or import). My friend from China say them as "bei cuo siao cie" (sorry if I typed incorrect pinyin). Their income is based on the number of hours that was gathered from accompanying their guest and money tips.

At this time I worked in one of the best night entertainment, with the position on the managerial level. I often saw several of them (night worker ladies) got reprimand from their superiors (usually called Momy) because absent. At one time, I ask to one of them who's often absent, just to know what's the problem. Our conversation was as follows (translated in English):

Me: "Why you often absent?" (for a long time she kept silent with the head bowed down).
Me: "I cares to you. That's why I talk to you".
She: "My neighbor often mock me when knowing I went out in the night. They humiliate me. Actually my aim is just to looking for money, for buy my baby's milk, because I am single-parent" (she began to cry while saying it and my feeling became touched to her. Difficult to continue the next question)"
Me: "Really I don't like the person who just critic but cannot give the way-out. Okay, I just want to give you my view, next is up to you to choose it. I will ask you a few questions and you do not have to answer it, that is:
First... I did not hope you work like this forever. Make a target as a night worker lady, perhaps for 1 year... 3 years... or...?
Second... if your baby cry because of hungry and you have no money as a mother whether your tears will goes down? Did your neighbor give you some money and care about it? Maybe parent will help you but one day they will go-forever. Your brothers also have their own family.
(She still keeps silent with tears fall down on her cheek)
Third... use your money wisely and keep the rest. After you feel enough to begin the small-scale business, stop as night worker lady and start a new life with your own effort".
She: "I have not any skill or good education (replied with an empty view). Can you give me one way-out?"
(I felt silent and said in my heart: "God, what should I tell to her?". Honest, I could not help her financially.)
Me: "Care to your parents. Give a little to the poor. Pray seriously to God and ask Him to bless you. Maybe one day He will send you a wise man who will take you from the dark cloud"
She: "I ever pray to God but no answer"
Me: "You must pray until God's mercy touching you. Pray twice, three times, 100x, 1000x...? UNTIL GOD MERCY TOUCHING YOU! Means, how deep your prayer in your soul, not the amount.
(Then she look at me with sharp gaze but I don't know what is she think about. Finally I end these discussion and let her to work again).

Next... what is your view about night worker ladies? Immoral? Social disease? or more realistic? Only a feeling of pity is not enough to ease their sufferings. Take the action, although a little (like counseling, donation, etc). They are also being in place around you!
Note: I must obscure the picture above for the privacy reason.

20 comments:

  1. I truly believe Life is what we make it... Good or Bad... God gives a path to follow and it is up to us which way we go... When we pray we ofen pray the wrong ways...

    Sometimes we pray selfishly...

    We pray:
    God please give me the way and take me there...
    God Fix my promlems for me...
    God please dont be so mean to me what have I done??
    God what do I have to do to get what I want??

    Should we not Pray:
    God please show me the correct way, then try to travel that path...
    God Please guide me in the proper direction...
    God please give me the wisdom and strength to do the right things...
    God please help me to do my best for my children...

    As a third party should we not be praying as well:
    God please give these young ladies the strengh, courage, guidance, and will power to follow your path where ever it may lead them...


    God is there and will always offer a way out it is up to us to accept it... We may not always like the way out but it is there... And if used will lead to a better way...

    For some Girls / women yes they actully may feel there is no other way out, and helpless, however if they truly looked they can find the way God has left them... God always provides a way to those who really want it... Sometimes it takes another person to point into the right direction because we can be blinded and overwhelmed by self pity... People should not be judgemental it is not our place to judge... We should offer to help each other as decient humans whereever we live... (PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE)and boundries and and ethnicity have nothing to do with it...

    Other Women / Girls choose it simply because it is easy money and that is what they want... Some of them even like it because it is attention... Then they want people to feel bad about it for them... All I can say to these Girls / Women is: Respect yourself before others can respect you that is how I truly feel... God helps those who are will to help themselves...

    Sorry I got so long winded... Bur it was my opinion and responce to your story..

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  2. May God bless your good work and nice words... u r doing God's work and I m so happy for u...

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  3. Thanks to Jk. Your comment will enrich wise advice for the others.
    Thanks to Clair. May God bless you too. Be happy.

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  4. very nice blog, its seem in reality life

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  5. awww that's so sad...

    very nice post..

    Hope we could exchange link..

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  6. Thanks to Faye and Chubskulit-rose, i already add you, also add Claire to be my friend.

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  7. the women who work as prostitute or night clubs PR always say they have no other choices. but then they still have choices, like taking up several part time job. however, it seems that working as a night worker will earn cash faster still. my view is that, we should not look down upon them as it is the path they choose. and they have the right to control their body... those single parent, they can go to single parent supportive group (NGOs) which always offer help for them. many other single parent are out there and not all of them choose to be night club PR right? sorry if my points keeps jumping here and there haha
    i do not really agree of them to work in this field, but i do not think we should despise on them either..

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  8. Hi
    I really don't have an idea if you are filipino or these women that you're talking about is..I am also a single parent myself...and I have done a lot of things in my life that I never thought that I could and would do just to keep up with our living...there are also those times...I can extend help to this lady that you're talking about by tutoring her, does she want to learn? Because I used to be an English teacher and I of course have children that I teach...

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  9. Thank you for a strong dose of reality. We sometimes forget how difficult life can be for young people, especially single parents. Please accept my compliments to you for your assistance in the young woman’s situation.

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  10. May God bless you with your heart;s desire to serve God through others by telling people to have faith in God. God always answers. He just gives us troubles and tests to see whether we call out to Him or rely on others. He needs us to rely on His strength and His mercy and if we do that at the same time, praising HIm for the blessings we already have, we are sure that He will answer our prayers.
    Nice post.

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  11. Thank you very much for you all here and your nice input to share with others. It is hoped could touch anyone heart to help others and to generate the feel of caring at the era that more individualism.

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  12. Who are we to judge? Fate has made them what they are. I quite sympathize with them. It is indeed very true that most of them get pushed into these professions due to factors completely beyond their control and we need to sympathize with them rather than condemn them. If at all any one needs to be condemned, it is the society that wants these women to serve them in the nights. They are all hypocrites.

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  13. I totally agree that these women need our support and sympathy not out judgement.

    But I do also believe that God helps those who help themselves, it is simply not good enough to pray for a way out of the hard times. These women also need to take action to change their circumstances.

    Doing something simple like saving just a little of the money they earn can help them to eventually leave that kind of work, it may take time but changes will occur if they take action and believe in God to help them.

    Great Post.

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  14. God prevails in all situations, and while we are often led by circumstances, He will lead us to righteous ways if we put Him first in our lives.
    Many people these days are doing that which they never considered doing, for money is TIGHT, and while some of these women do it of free will, others are forced to do so, by friends, lovers, poverty, and example. They should NOT be judged, for many of them are the most delicate beautiful souls ever known to life. People who talk down to them, or treat them with disrespect and disregard are only worsening the situation, and can cause more problems.
    It is love which leads the way, and You sir, gave love when you consulted this lady. The seed might be slow to develop and grow, but, God in YOU began the process. No one deserves to be judged for anything they do, for it is all in Divine order, and people have to learn their OWN lessons, though with the example of love and righteousness, they might see their way without having to lower themselves, though truly, in these times, people who are not well established are doing what they can to get ahead.
    It is so sad that the question of whether or not she should be judged comes up, for it is not our world to judge that is left to the ALMIGHTY GOD. Instead, we should embrace, love, and guide as best as we can and pray for one another, one and all... great post, and I am going to do a post on this myself... blessings, peace, and gratitude my brother of life :))))

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  15. Truly, I felt touched with all of your comments here. I'm dreaming of:

    1) Someday... there are night worker ladies who were fighting for their life, for their baby, could come across this place and read all of your comment and advice. It is hoped this could become the inspiration for they.

    2) It is hoped there are the reader who become touched by this, will begin an effort. Because the night worker ladies also in and around your place.

    Could I have this dream ?

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  16. dear Tikno,
    i just known that you have two blogs...
    the phenomena of night workers ladies is a social diseases that worsening by the insecurity of somebody's soul...
    If we think it critically there are many of girl who become night workers just for fulfill their economy life. and they are the group of people that maybe lack of supporting from their environment, belief of their God, and want to get something practically without do hard..
    and finally it's become a 'habitual' which rampant and become a something 'usual' which grow in our society...
    great post.

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  17. it's true that some have this occupation because they cannot find way out. it's not our right to judge them, because mostly we cannot help them find way out.
    but it's also true that some are doing this in order to earn quick-money. even i hear that many university students do this! but can we judge them? it's a matter of choice.

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  18. Dear Niar, I had many discussions with them and finally get a conclusion that initially they carry out these job because they have no choice. Then for a long time because there is no way out, then eventually become a habit. How we overcome these "waiting periods" before become a habit is important.
    ---------------------------
    Dear Yendoel, we have to keep trying to find a way out for them, at least advise them against the dangers of AIDS and recommend to always use condom.

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  19. Since we can not help them financially then we should think objectively.

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  20. Dear Budi, nice comment

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